{SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW.}

Thursday, March 30, 2006

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bleah...really unhappy these few days...really hate these days....alamak....think it may be my prob leh....mebbe i'm just too picky or xiao qi or whatever.....just cannot stand....then wn was telling me ppl will c...was thinking...i wanna let steam...c this then...liddat lor...

bleah...what are friends..asked my mum ytd..cos really angry ytd....feel like a slave, a maid..really stupid lor...then my mum said hv to ren...yar even if i hate to be a loner..nid ppl to pei me...so muz return favour by helping and ren-ing....but really cannot stnad sometimes...really feel lyk a maid....rmb "susie" said i always finding fault with ppl..then my own fault i dunnoe....i'm trying to change..but no one wants to tell me.....then regarding others...i just ....dunno what word to describe....as if i'm obliged to do sth for you since u're older or more domineering or sth...really dun understand whether i am too petty..but this isnt the first time...complained to like weemin, eve..so many ppl...really angry..the fire is burning even stronger now...my god.....reallly...aiyor...dunno what to say....just wanna fei xie by nagging and ai-yohing here and there...

act always wanted to be a clown...make ppl around me happy....cos i noe i won't hv happiness...so everyday so rarely put a black face..then at home, my family sees my bad temper and stuff.....but sometimes not tt i dun wanna tell close friends abt it..but cos i wanna ppl to be happy...dun wan them to be bothered abt the matter.....really can't stand it.....nearing Uni liao..really worried cannot click with ppl there....dunno i think i just really wierd...tt's y dun bother to think of the future...cos the present is already really too mind-boggling...ha then these few days.....toking abt prospective husbands...really funni..act....dream abt it but..dun wish to think of it in reality.....yar inferior lor..but i wanna me nun or sister......or be clown..continue to bring laughter around me...until i die.....dunno......really wanna beng qui liao..ren so long liao......

some friend "m" always say dun hv friend or sth....feel the same way....but the M says i got company...but sometimes feel like i'm maid..really....not myself.....like servant.....to wayening i feel okay doing it..but to the other...really sometimes..thinking of it really gek.....dunno lar.....always liddat criticixing ppl..myself lyk not anything better...act..wanna ask GOD or some ppl...whether i am problematic or is it others...wanna bird's eye view dun wan consolation....always feel so warm and stuff in RV, NJ..then in RJ....esp when not with class...so cold...so foreign...so eekkkk.....

dunno lar...really wanna end by saying i really angry....plus cos CO adds more prac!!! happiness mon and wed until 9..then thinking of adding sectionals on tue...then sat oso got..happinesss..then the kinda eyes they set on us....not as if we really anti.....like we spoil their music liddat..halLOOO...i joined co for fun..then....what am i doing here...stupid...stupid...bleah

3:56 AM;